Guidelines for Safer Erotic Modeling

After listening to the most recent episode of the always fabulous My Favorite Murder Podcast, I wanted to lay out my thoughts on precautions and guidelines to consider when you're looking to model for sensual/erotic/BDSM/nude work, particularly if it's a TFP (trade for pics) shoot.

While there are plenty of artists out there who do this sort of thing for the art, there are also a shit ton of skeevy folk (mostly, but not exclusively men) who are shooting for their own personal spank-bank, the power trip, or worse. 

Participating in this type of shoot can be empower and fulfilling, but it can also leave one feeling awful, or be downright dangerous. So with that in mind, here are some guidelines to consider:

1. Ask if you can bring one or more friends/partner(s) along for your comfort and safety - The kind of person you'd want to shoot with will totally understand and be cool with you having support folk. We know that this has the potential to be both emotionally and physically scary, want you to be comfortable, and know that having someone around to watch your back can make for a better shoot. 


2. Ask for references - I pride myself on my models having a positive experience and I have a hefty list of people who've shot with me and will vouch for me not being a duchebag or murderer. 

3. Ask to see their work - do their models look comfortable, is the photographer any good, is it a style of nude or erotic work that you would want to be a part of? 

4. Ask for details about the shoot - not only what will be expected of you, but how long it should last, the exact address where you'll be, etc 

5. Ask why they want to shoot with you and what they plan to do with the photos - when I do trade-for-pics (as opposed to being hired or me hiring a model) shoots, it's because I hope to get something new or interesting to put on my NSFW photography website, submit to an erotic arts show, and/or use on social media. This is usually with the goal of booking more paying erotic shoots, though also sometimes for personal projects. For instance, I like doing beautiful photos of play modalities not generally considered beautiful. That's a personal project of mine. 

6. As the ladies on MFM would say: FUCK POLITENESS - in addition to the above criteria, if you're uncomfortable for any reason, get the fuck out of there! For instance (and this is all shit I've actually seen or had people who modeled for me experience with other photographers): 

  • if a photographer says bullshit along the lines of "well since you're naked, I should be naked too, so it's fair" - Fuck Politeness and Get The Fuck Out (FPGTFO) (this is ridiculously common) 
  • if a photographer attempts to violate a boundary you've established or push you to do more than you're comfortable with - FPGTFO 
  • if a photographer attempts to guilt you in any way e.g. "I've gone to all this effort, the least you can do is X" - FPGTFO 
  • if a photographer is more focused on themselves than their camera - FPGTFO - I've shot people I'm super attracted to and even in sexual relationships with, but when I'm behind the camera, I'm WORKING not talking about how turned on I am etc. 

7. Think seriously before you do this sort of shoot. You can't un-take a photograph, and most model contracts leave the photographer retaining the copyright to images taken. Without a modeling contract the photographer retains rights by default for non-commercial use, which means the pictures can be used in art shows for instance without your input or consent. And keep in mind that the internet never forgets. 


If you want to do a nude or erotic shoot that you don't want other people to see, hire a photographer and get it in writing as part of your contract that you retain sole control of the images in exchange for paying for the shoot. 

So have fun, be safe, and never stay in a situation that doesn't feel right. 

Her Own Woman

Ruth's 50th Birthday Tongue Splitting

I had the privilege of accompanying my close friend Ruth on a trip to NYC, where after literally decades of wanting it done, she had her tongue split as her 50th birthday present to herself.
Waiting for the SubwayWe stayed with friends in NJ, so we had to take the PATH and the NYC Subway to get to the studio
Last TimeA last fun pre-procedure shot of Ruth's tongue the way it has been for the last 50 years
Marking the CutA surgical marker is used to precisely mark the bifurcation line. Ruth elected to have it split back as far as could be done safely
Waiting to Begin Nervous anticipation as the body mod artist makes his final preparations
Lining Up The artist took a good bit of time being certain he was properly positioned and aligned.
No Turning BackThe cutting process took around 2 minutes
Cross SectionThis is not a part of one's tongue that should be visible. If I hadn't been focused on shooting, I'd probably have freaked out a bit here.
Sewing UpWhite the cutting took about 2 minutes, the suturing took closer to twenty
All DoneI shot this while the artist was going over aftercare instructions (not for the first time)
Resting She was pretty wiped out after the whole thing. Here we had already walked back to the subway, and would still have a walk once off the PATH train.
Tongue x2Her tongue(s) swelled quite a bit! A bit of red tinted saliva was about the only blood though.

Flying [PTAS]

Note: this photo and essay originally appeared on Bilerico.com on 12/21/13 as part of the Picture Tells A Story column, which I wrote from 11/13 to 5/11

One of the true pleasures of living the somewhat unusual life that I live, is the opportunity to be witness to people's moments of triumph and transformation. Watching someone push themselves to the ragged edge of what's possible makes any challenge seem face-able.

Today's picture is from one of those moments.

The world of body modification and hook suspension is hardly an unfamiliar one to me, and I've been privileged to be present at suspensions that were deeply meaningful or transformational, as well as ones that were far more mundane. 

This one stands out in my mind though.

Chest suspensions are challenging to begin with, for a variety of both physiological and psychological reasons. A single-hook chest suspension, particularly on someone of anything but waif-ish proportions, is a dicey proposition. The suspension in this photo was facilitated by Steve Joyner and the team from CoRE, some of the top hook suspension experts on the west coast, and the person flying is one of the more fabulous I've encountered in my travels. 

It isn't my place to discuss the reasons she chose to do the suspension pictured, of course. But it was a true joy to watch her prepare for the experience, and I was blown away by the energy she and the CoRE team brought to the entire ritual. Mr. Joyner was just barely out of frame for this photo, carefully watching to ensure nothing went wrong, though in the end the person being suspended chose to come down just moments before Steve would have stepped in and brought the suspension to a close. 

My photo can only capture the barest shadow of the moment's power. Even so, I find it to be a reminder that with focus, discipline, maybe a bit of divine help, and someone to catch us if we should fall, we can do so much more than we ever could imagine.